Whatever the reason may be, I’ve apparently gathered a few fans of my writing…though I think they might have me confused with a certain other black dude in Japan. Anyway, I was recently informed of the fact that those fans are wonderin’ what the heck I’m doin’. Truth be told, not much, besides teaching and studying…but let’s review. We’ll do this in months to get y’all caught up nice and quick.

First off….APRIL!!! (Note to reader…these will be written as if the other months have yet to happen.)

Aaight, so…I started the new year at my new junior high school, which, to be honest, left much to be desired. This isn’t to say that my new school is bad…it’s just that I was pretty happy back at North Junior High. Now, I’m chillin’ in the West school, closer to my apartment, and far less busy than before. You see…this school figures I should meet each class only once a week. That’s twelve classes. Every week. I work for 12 hours. Every week. Do the math, okay? What do I do with the rest of my time? Why, I think of humorous nicknames for everyone on the staff! Roll call time.

There are three English teachers. The Dude. The Short One. The Tall One.

The Dude – This guy’s cool. His English is really good too. In his classes, I’m pretty much just a parrot, but he definitely knows how to control his classroom and keep the kids excited. And trust me…any dude that can control and keep the attention of a bunch of first years…deserves some respect. He talks to me the most, in both English and Japanese…and we exchange knowing glances when the school lunch just ain’t up to par. I think he and I will get along just fine.

The Short One – Okay, this little lady’s hilarious for some reason. I think she’s just a little older than me, but a whole heckuvalot shorter. And, oddly enough, I can’t help but watch her. She’s like…an animator’s case study or something. Seriously, every movement is…well, she’s just so small that watching her move it…I can’t explain it! I don’t think my brain can understand how someone my age can be that small. And she’s one of those folks with an undeniable baby face, and quite possibly the shiniest eyes I’ve ever seen. Because of this, I have another nickname for her—Stitch. And few people can deny Stitch’s cuteness. But see…that nickname ain’t all good. She suffers from JBG syndrome. Japanese Busted Grill Syndrome. This is not a blemish on her personality at all…in fact it makes me sad that Japanese dentists ain’t up to speed to help this girl out. And they tried…I can tell. But it’s like they tried without caring about the finished product…color coordination or anything. If I meet her dentist, I will punch him.

The Tall One – Now this girl apparently is a month or two younger than me, but has some height on her side…meaning she’s like 5’7” probably. But in my mind, she’s 5’11”. She’s cool, and speaks English in a way that doesn’t sound like a Japanese accent or anything… It’s weird. She’s in charge of all the second years, and her classes seem to LOVE me. They cheer when I walk in. And The Tall One seems quite relieved to have me around.

The rest of the staff…only a few get names, as most people there don’t talk to me yet.

Slick Sensei – Oh, I love this dude. He was an English teacher back at South Junior High, but they brought him here to watch out for the new teachers, such as The Short One. Mrs. Sick Teacher told me I’d be working with him, and that he was a VERY respectable teacher, so I was expecting to have to learn some serious polite Japanese, but…nope! This guy’s hilarious. He sits right next to me, and talks to me in English all day, giving me inside info on teachers, classes, students and Japanese life. He knows I’m studying Japanese and has offered to teach me for one hour every Monday. Truth is…he teaches me ALL day. We joke about how I’m being paid to study Japanese, too. And he’s always saying things like, “Okay David…it’s break time. There’s a convenience store on the corner. We’ve got three more hours of the day, and nothing to do. I say….you go to the store, grab some beers, and we go in the courtyard and gulp them down as fast as we can.” “What about the principal?” I ask. “…Fine, get him some beers too!” Like I said…love this dude.

Mrs. Buxley – I call this woman this because of the character from the old Beetle Bailey comics…a secretary to everyone in the office, and how I learned to understand what the word “buxom” meant. Now…this girl’s built differently than the Japanese women, meaning she’s actually got curves, but…I’m honestly unsure as to whether or not she’d be considered fat over here. Somethin’ tells me she is… But, hey, she tries to speak what little English she knows with me, so we’re cool.

Big Man – Aaight…this dude’s got good qualities and bad ones. Good: He’s always laughing and smiling. He’s been kind enough to try to help me with the crazy coffee machine they got here, and he’s given me Dole Popsicles. Bad: …okay, this requires some backstory. One sentence actually. In Japan, dudes can break out and pee anywhere they want, any time, no harassment from cops. This has resulted in a really weird view of peein’ by some Japanese dudes. One that reminds me of the rules of my father… So, sometimes I’ll be in the restroom after drinking my usual 3 liters of water a day. Big Man comes in, checks his hair or something, and leaves, BUT leaves the door WIDE open. People, there are teenage girls walking around in that school…and I don’t care in the urinals have the little dividers between them (which barely protect me, considering my height)…I’m trying NOT to get fired ya know? Everyone else closes the door…not Big Man. Heck, when he’s in there, he leaves the door wide open too! He and gotta reach some accord on this… The other bad thing is that…well, he can’t help this, but…his voice. It’s almost like…the Japanese Louie Anderson. That’s not his fault! I’m just sayin’…I noticed one of the third years at my last school talking like that, all nasally and what not, and I realized I’d heard it elsewhere too. It’s…an acceptable way of speaking in this country. But, man…it cuts me to the CORE. Me and Big Man…we got some issues to work out, but we’ll be okay.

The Big Girls – I call them this because…they’re the heaviest ones on staff, but are sweethearts. They talk to me everyday…all in Japanese of course…and always give me little snacks and treats throughout the day. They’re always laughing and joking. I love these two, and they’re my real test in Japanese…because they really don’t try to speak any English, but ask me things about English…which I have to explain in Japanese. Totally…not…easy.

There are others, but they’ll get names later. For now, just know that my first three weeks were spent only at this school, and…my job really isn’t a job. I just study all day and get compliments from everyone about how fast my Japanese is improving.

…I still miss the kids from my old school, though. Maybe I’ll get to visit them one day…

I’ll tell y’all about May next time.

D