Vampires Suck

I just finished reading "Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter". The book wasn't bad. Seems like a stealthy attempt to slip a slow, fact-filled history book into our instant-gratification culture, but I can't hate the guy for trying.

But while reading it, I was reminded of my strong dislike of vampires in general. They are mind-numbingly boring. Well, at least the modern version of them is. I remember the days when vampires just lured people into traps and drank their blood. It was mostly about their charm, and maybe the dangers of succumbing to lust. Their weirdest power was the ability to transform into a bat. They could be killed by a stake through the heart, and they hated sunlight, garlic, and crosses. That made them a dangerous foe, but they could be stopped.

Now, we've pretty much got blood drinking, immortal, aristocratic Saiyans running around. They have super strength and speed and have somehow managed to OUTGROW all those weaknesses that once existed. The only people that can kill them seem to be vampires themselves. Or...Abe Lincoln. Which is kinda cool, but I digress.

New vampires are simply boring. They don't have plans or schemes, they sit around and lament about their hunger and curse... They are almost all white. Ever seen an Iraqi vampire? Not me.

I--oh no... No. No, this can't be right. Okay, I'm wondering if there's a relationship between the current state of vampires and the current state of white people. Basically, vampires of today represent the divided white culture. They have all this power, and some of them see it as a means to oppress others. But, the good ones hate their power. It's a curse. They side with the normal humans and long to feel as they do. They fear the repercussions of falling in love with someone who isn't one of them. They just want to abide side by side with humanity, and they fight for the safety and rights of the poor, weak, ignorant , mortal humans...

Isn't that the exact same thing as white guilt?

Admittedly, I'm as paranoid as the next black guy, so sometimes my radar is a bit sensitive, but...I can't help but wonder... That's where stories come from, right? They are born from cultural oppression and uncertainties. Maybe these new vampires are the new white myth.

Yikes, man...

J